


Love, Ethically

by Haywire



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: F/F, Misses Clause Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-15 20:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13039110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haywire/pseuds/Haywire
Summary: Michael continues with his efforts to torture the gang, this time going with plan #218: Eleanor and Tahani as soulmates. What's the worst that could happen?





	1. This Is Your Soulmate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oliviacirce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliviacirce/gifts).



> Written for oliviacirce. I admit that I'd wanted to give you your request, a full season of fic, but real life and time interfered unfortunately. I do hope you enjoy what I was able to write, however, which I hope still makes sense even if it's condensed more than I'd like. It was a lot of fun to create and your suggestions definitely helped me a lot.
> 
> Happy Yuletide! :)

“ _You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead._ ” The words echoed in her head while Michael gave her a tour of the neighbourhood.

She was really dead. As in, no longer in the world of the living. Instead she was… well, wherever _this_ was. Eleanor still wasn’t completely clear on precisely where or what that was, which reminder her that she should probably be paying more attention to what her guide was saying.

“...and over here we have another gastropub, this one’s called The Jack-O-Tavern.” Michael pointed out the anthropomorphized pumpkin-shaped sign which hung out over the entrance, complete with a carved out face and two arms, one of which held a beer stein.

“Uh-huh,” she replied, still distracted by her thoughts. “Wait, did you say a tavern? So we can drink here?”

“Of course,” Michael answered. “You can’t get intoxicated, however.”

“Oh. So… why would you want to drink again, exactly?” Eleanor asked.

“I think you misunderstand me,” he corrected. “You’ll still be able to get… what do people call it now?” Michael thought for a second, then snapped his fingers. “Turned. That’s it.”

“Nope,” she replied.

“Crank?” he tried again.

“I think you mean crunk, and that’s kinda old too, but your point is taken.” Eleanor frowned in concentration. “So are you saying we get all the perks of being drunk without any of the negative side effects? No fighting, no being an aggressive idiot?”

He nodded and continued walking, raising a finger as he did so. “Oh, and no hangovers either.”

“Wow,” That was the only word that she could manage at that point as Eleanor’s mind tried to wrap itself around that concept.

“Well, we want you to have fun. Some people like to drink, therefore it’s allowed.” Michael stopped again and turned back to Eleanor. “We don’t people to become aggressive or violent either, if that was a thing you did. That’s no fun for anyone. So instead you just have more fun without any repercussions.”

“This really is the forking Good Place,” she said.

“No cursing here either, I don’t think I’ve mentioned that one yet,” Michael clarified. “Even if you did like it, that’s one of the rules that the higher ups insisted on.”

“I did really like it,” Eleanor said with a sigh. “But hey, small price to pay, am I right? No shirt.” She held up her fingers and started rattling off words to test this newfound theory. “Fork. Shirt. Ash hole. Bench -”

“Yes, well, I’m sure you’ll find them all out in time,” Michael interrupted. “In the meantime, we’re almost finished with the tour. All that’s left now is to show you your new home.”

“Home? I hadn’t thought about that.” Given that she was still processing the whole dead thing, it wasn’t surprising to her, but now a million questions popped into her head. Did she have her own home? Would she have roommates? Did she have to pay rent or a mortgage or anything like that?

Before she could ask Michael anything, he snapped his fingers and they appeared in front of a modest single-level abode. It seemed to be made up of three parts: a large, steepled middle section painted yellow, accompanied on either side by light-blue rectangular components. A little red gate completed the layout, with various bushes and trees planted around the property.

“Ok, that’s a place someone could live in I suppose.”

“Not just anyone, Eleanor. This is your home!” Michael beamed, then headed toward the red gate. “Come on, just wait until you see the inside. It’s all been custom built to suit you.”

“Not like the outside I hope,” Eleanor muttered under her breath.

“What was that?”

“Oh, um, I said just like the outside, I hope!” she lied.

Putting on a fake smile, she followed Michael inside. Eleanor fought to maintain said smile as she scanned the building’s interior. It was clean enough, it was just… not her.

“This is so me, wow.” She playfully punched Michael on the shoulder. “Nailed it.”

“Right? It’s intentionally sparse and minimally decorated, like your previous home in which you spent very little time.”

“I was out and about a lot, wasn’t I? Always something to do,” Eleanor agreed, nodding along. “Yes, I did a lot of things. A whole bunch.”

“Most certainly. Between all the pro bono legal work for charity and building homes in impoverished countries, you probably spent the vast majority of the year traveling or living in a hostel.” Michael thought again for a second before continuing. “You once spent over a year living in a tent in Nepal, actually.”

“Oh yeah, good times. Good times.” She bit her lip. “Pro bono legal work, you say?”

“Near the end that was all you did, yes. The headways you made for international human rights law, it just… I’m sorry, it’s just so moving.” Michael took off his glasses and wiped away at one eye. “You know all about it, of course, so I won’t embarrass you with the details.”

“Of course,” she agreed. Eleanor turned her attention back to the house, looking around once more. She stopped and walked towards one specific corner, which was covered with several framed paintings. “What’s this over here - gah!”

Eleanor jumped back as she screamed. The corner was plastered with paintings of clowns. All clowns and nothing but clowns. Several were well-lit with individual lights affixed on top, ensuring she’d be seeing their subjects all day and all night, and likely in her nightmares, she mused.

“Clowns, of course. Your one true weakness, the only indulgence you’d treat yourself to back when you were alive.” Michael chuckled and walked up to one of the paintings, adjusting it just _so_ as he admired the work. It was a Victorian-era looking clown, complete with a powdered wig and frilly coat, set on a dark background.

Eleanor was certain it would now haunt her for the rest of her life. Then she remembered where she was, and realized it would now haunt her for all eternity. Awesome.

“It’s like you’ve been watching me all my life, hah.” She coughed and looked around for the kitchen. “I could use a glass of water, could you -”

“Ooh, wait, you haven’t met Janet yet, have you?” said Michael.

“No, who’s -”

Before Eleanor could ask the question, a dark-haired woman clad in green dress and purple vest appeared in front of her, holding out a glass of water.

“WHAT THE FORK.” She jumped back, which was toward the Clown Corner (as she’d forever refer to it from now on), then moved forward to where both the clowns and the stranger who’d just appeared out of thin air stood. “Are you a ghost?”

“A ghost? Oh Eleanor, you’re hilarious.” Michael laughed out loud, as the water-bearing woman. “This is Janet. She’s an artificial intelligence who helps me run The Good Place.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Eleanor,” Janet said, beaming at the blonde. “Here is the water you wanted.” She held the glass out further, which Eleanor reluctantly accepted.

“And she can just appear like that, whenever she wants?”

“Yes.” Janet’s smile didn’t waver one bit.

“She has access to the repository of all human knowledge, can create and deliver any item which you desire, and pretty much keeps this whole place running,” Michael explained.

“I also can bring you water,” said Janet. “Should you require anything further, please just ask. Have a nice day!”

With that, Janet disappeared back into the ether just as instantly as she had previously appeared.

“Maybe I should’ve ordered something stiffer,” Eleanor said, taking a sip from her glass.

Janet appeared once more, this time holding out a vodka cooler in one of her hands. “Here is one of your favourite alcoholic beverages from your previous life, if you would prefer?”

Eleanor did a spit-take, which thankfully missed both Janet and Michael completely. She blinked, and then took the vodka cooler from Janet’s hand, raising it in a salute to her before taking a hearty swig of the bottle. By the time she’d lowered it, Janet was gone once again.

“This is going to take some getting used to.”

“You’ll have it down pat in no time, trust me,” said Michael with a wave of his hand. “Now, there’s just one more important thing left to do, and that is to introduce you to your -”

“Roommates? Oh man, I _knew_ it,” Eleanor said, looking skyward and squinting her eyes shut. “Ok, level with me, how many people do I have to share this place with? Two? Three? It can’t be four, can it? This place is simply too small for that many people, I’m afraid I’ll have to put my foot down, Michael.” Not that there was likely much she could do, but it was supposed to be The Good Place, she reckoned. Surely there was a complaints department or some similar method of dispute resolution available.

“It’s just one person, Eleanor.” Michael raised his hands defensively, smiling at Eleanor as he did so. “And it’s not just any one. It’s your soulmate.”

“My what’s-it-now?”

“Soulmate. But don’t worry, we don’t just randomly put you together with whomever just happens to come along at the same time, no, not at all.” Michael waved an arm and a digital display flickered into life in mid-air, showing a complex series of formulae and numbers, which whizzed along at a dizzying pace. “We have an infallible algorithm that does it for us.”

As he finished speaking, an audible ‘ding’ sounded, and the front door opened. Both Michael and Eleanor turned their heads to look at the entrance. A tall, dark-haired woman dressed in a white dress stood in the doorway, her left hand resting on her hip while her right hand rested against the doorframe.

“This is your soulmate, Tahani.”


	2. Introductions

“ _You’re_ my soulmate?” asked Eleanor out loud. “I mean. You’re my soulmate.” She coughed into her left hand, then took a step forward, extending her right for Tahani to shake. “Nice to meet you…”

“Tahani, Tahani Al-Jamil. The pleasure’s all mine, but I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage.”

“Come again?” Eleanor said.

“Right, where are my manners?” Michael gestured toward Eleanor. “This is Eleanor Shellstrop, human rights lawyer and defender of the poor and downtrodden.” He turned back towards Eleanor. “And Tahani here was a great philanthropist in her own right. You two will have so much to connect over, I just know it.”

Tahani’s eyebrows raised at the mention of her soulmate’s background. “Oh, yes, indeed. Perhaps you’ve heard of me then, if we’ve run in the same circles?”

“I, uh,” Eleanor stammered. “I kinda kept off of the grid, if you know what I mean. Under the radar and all that jazz.” She struggled to think of more metaphors and, coming up empty, settled for a small shrug instead.

“And on that note, I shall go off the grid myself, and leave you two to get better acquainted.” Michael clapped his hands together and smiled at them both. “If you need anything, just ask for Janet. I’ll be back to check in on you later.”

He headed for the door, stopping just before he exited. “And welcome to The Good Place. I think you’re both going to love it here.” With one last grin, he turned and exited the home.

Eleanor smiled at Tahani, then stood silently for a few beats as she pondered what to do next.

“So Tahani -” she started.

“Well, Eleanor -” said Tahani at exactly the same time.

They both laughed and went silent again.

“Ok, well, before that happens again, hah,” Eleanor ventured. “Did you just get here, or have you been here for a while, or…”

“No, I’m quite new. Recent arrival, by way of a horrific death, hah,” answered Tahani with a forced chuckle. “As are you, I presume?”

“Yup.” Eleanor grinned awkwardly then looked at the ceiling. “Man, why are conversation starters so hard?”

“I can help with that!” Janet appeared out of nowhere, startling them both as she proffered a deck of cards labelled ‘Conversation Starters’ to Eleanor.

“Jesus Janet, I - wait, I can say the J word up here?”

“Mmmhmm,” confirmed Janet.

“I mean, I guess that makes sense. Huh. Anyway,” Eleanor took a card off the top of the deck and read it to herself while Janet offered the deck to Tahani. “Here we go: how old are you?”

“That’s a tad direct of a question for getting to know you conversation, isn’t it?” Tahani said with frown. “If you simply must know, I’m *cough* *cough* years young, and I’ll spare you the indignity of having to answer yourself, of course.” Before Eleanor could say anything further, Tahani read her own card. “Let’s see… what’s your favourite crayon colour?”

“What.” Eleanor turned over her card and read the back of it more closely. There was smaller print underneath the main logo, written in what appeared to be Comic Sans. “Oh, for fork’s sake, this is the Junior Edition.”

“Mine is Cerulean Blue,” said Janet with a huge grin, trying to stimulate further conversation.

“Janet, can you bring us a more adult version of this instead, please?” asked Eleanor.

In a flash Janet disappeared then reappeared, and the cards they’d been holding went along with her. When she came back, she was holding an entirely different deck of cards.

“Here you go!” she said.

Eleanor took a card off the top of the new deck. “Alright, Tahani: how many holes have you ever had filled at the same - _Janet._ ”

“Oh my word, “ said Tahani.

“Janet, this is an _adult_ adult game,” Eleanor said.

“Yes, which is what you wanted. Not a Junior Edition, as you said, correct?”

“Correct but,” started Eleanor before sighing. “You know what, never mind.”

“I’ve got it this time, I’ll be right back.” Before either of them could object, Janet left once again, then came back a split second later. Now she was holding a larger deck of black cards with white lettering on them.

“That’s just Cards Against Humanity isn’t it?” Eleanor sighed. “Which is a perfectly fine game, it’s just not as good with only two people.”

“It’s actually Cards Against Humility, a much cleaner version,” Janet clarified. “It was never publically released, since while research groups found it 100% less offensive than the original, it was almost just as less funny, but we have many, many copies of it here.”

“That brings me to an excellent point, Eleanor.” Tahani completely ignored what Janet said, raising a finger in the air in advance of her next thought. “It sounds like you have the exact same idea that I have for what we should do next.” said Tahani, one eyebrow raised.

“Stay inside alone and figure out what’s going on?” replied Eleanor.

“Throw a party for the whole neighbourhood tomorrow evening!” added Tahani and the same time.

“Nope, not even close,” muttered Eleanor.

“Hmm?”

“I was just saying I should probably go for a walk, get some fresh air,” Eleanor said as she got to her feet. “Maybe I should put on a sweater, or -”

“Here you go,” said Janet, appearing in front of Eleanor once again and making her jump backwards.

“I hope I get used to that some day.” She took the proffered sweater, smiling at the ‘Michigan Law’ logo on its front. “Nice, how’d you know… oh, right. You know everything.”

Janet just wrinkled her nose every so slightly and nodded before going poof again.

“Right, well,” said Eleanor, clapping her hands together once the sweater was on. “I’m off for a bit, see you in a little while?”

“I’ll be here, planning away,” answered Tahani, already spreading out plans and writing things down on the coffee table with a re-appeared Janet at her side.

Eleanor headed out the front door, wondering just how well this whole soulmate thing was going to work out.


	3. Ethics Schmethics

Walking through her front lawn towards the gate, Eleanor wrapped her arms around herself. It was a bit chillier than she remembered outside.

“Why didn’t I bring a sweater?” she asked no one in particular.

When Janet appeared to hand her a very comfortable looking sweater she was slightly less surprised than before, though Eleanor still jumped a little.

“Hey, aren’t you helping Tahani with her whole party thing?” she asked as she pulled the light grey sweater on over her head.

“I am. I can be in multiple places at once,” Janet explained.

“Shirt, that must come in handy,” pondered Eleanor. “How does that work, exactly?”

“I could explain it, but your mind would not be capable of understanding it.” She beamed as she said that, with no hint of superiority or condescendence in her tone. Eleanor opened her mouth to object, then stopped.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” she sighed.

“Is there anything else I can help you with instead, Eleanor?”

“I am feeling a little hungry, now that you mention it. Know anywhere good to eat?”

With a wave of her hand, a 3D map of the neighbourhood shimmered into existence before them. Several red dots popped up, with the one closest to them blinking on and off.

“The closest one is just up ahead, actually.” Janet pointed towards the dot, and it expanded into a small screenshot of the restaurant’s exterior. A sign above its entrance proclaimed it as ‘Pish-Squash.’

“Huh.”

“It’s technically a fine dining establishment, but, like everywhere else here, there’s no dress code,” elaborated Janet with a smile.

“I don’t know if I want anything fancy right about now,” said Eleanor.

“Oh, they can make you anything you want. Which is also true of anywhere you go here, or anything you’d like to have at home for that matter.” Janet grinned and pointed at herself. “I deliver, and there’s no charge, though tips are appreciated.”

Before Eleanor could say anything, Janet laughed. “That’s a joke, there’s no such thing as currency here.”

“Alrighty then, what the fork?” Eleanor shrugged her shoulders and soldiered on towards the restaurant.

There was no line to get in. A server showed her to a table almost immediately, and once she picked out something tasty sounding - a hot bowl of pumpkin soup sounded great - it arrived within less than a minute of her order.

Eleanor noticed that the bowl never quite seemed to go empty, not until she started to feel full. There was just enough there to fill her appetite completely, without overeating or making her feel too full. _Neat,_ she thought.

She opted to have a post-meal beverage, even though Eleanor knew from her previous discussion with Michael that she couldn’t get inebriated. Still, it felt appropriate, given how fancy the place was and all. The fact that there wouldn’t be a bill to pay either helped somewhat.

After her third pumpkin spice whiskey cocktail - a novel twist that actually used bourbon, Eleanor discovered - she gave up the ghost on the drinking and hopped out of her seat. A small part of her felt like she should leave a tip, but since she had no money (and there was no actual bill from which to _calculate_ a tip even if she did) she just shrugged instead and headed for the exit.

On the way a customer at a nearby table dropped a book directly in front of her. It landed flat on the floor with a loud _thud_ , causing Eleanor to jump slightly. With one hand on her chest to catch herself, she kneeled down and reached for the book with her other, only to find it much heavier than she expected.

“What the fork is this, a textb -” she started before seeing the cover.

_Ethical Dilemmas of the 21st History: A Treatise on Social Responsibility._

“It really _is_ a textbook. Holy shirt,” muttered Eleanor, frozen in place with the book in her hand, frowning at it.

“I am so sorry,” said a voice from the table. A man got up, reaching for a napkin and brushing what appeared to be an excessive amount of pumpkin spice off of his hands.

“I was trying this fancy pumpkin spice donut dessert thing and while it’s delicious it’s also extremely messy, and then I dropped my book.” He wiped his hand once more, checking it after before offering it to her. “My name’s Chidi.”

“Eleanor,” she automatically replied, getting to her feet and placing the ponderous tome into his outstretched hand without taking her eyes off the cover. After a beat she remembered someone was talking to her and that she should probably look at him, so she did. “Sorry, I was just distracted by that… thing.”

“It did make quite the loud noise, didn’t it? I was just studying up on -” started Chidi.

“Studying? Don’t tell me there are tests here. Are there? I thought this was the Good Place.”

“Why wouldn’t there be tests or studying in the Good Place?” he asked, frowning himself.

“Let me guess, you were a professor or something before, yeah? Or, like,” Eleanor took in Chidi’s attire and gestured her hand up and down a little before continuing, “I dunno, a scholar of some sort.”

“Well, yes, technically,” Chidi admitted. “I wasn’t published but -”

“Ah ha, I knew it!’ Eleanor clapped her hands together in celebration before calming herself down. “I mean, it’s nice to meet you, Professor Chidi.”

“It’s just Chidi. Chidi Anagonye, to be precise, but you can call me Chidi.”

“Gotcha. I’ll remember that the next time I see you,” she said. “Good luck with…” Eleanor took in Chidi one more time, along with his gigantic text book. “...all of that.”

Before he could say anything further she left the restaurant. As she started back towards her new home, Eleanor realized that maybe knowing someone who taught about ethics mightn’t be such a bad thing. She was, after all, technically not supposed to be in the Good Place, paired with a same-sex soulmate for the first time, and had no idea how to deal with either of those things.

 _Eh,_ she thought. _I’ll figure it out later._


	4. The Afterparty

Eleanor was positive the only reason she didn’t have a massive, throbbing hangover the morning after Tahani’s party was because they were in the Good Place. Drinking never caused a hangover there, according to Michael, so she’d had her fill and then some. When she thought of how she’d behaved at said party, however, well…

Even being in the Good Place didn’t help with that.

Sitting up, Eleanor winced and rubbed her forehead. There was a speech she was trying _really_ hard not to remember and then a tower of champagne glasses that went flying and -

Nope. She didn't want to remember. After whatever happened everyone left, and she brought out some sheets and a pillow to sleep on the couch alone.

A nearby groan made her nearly jump off of said couch.

“Nmgh, what time is it?” came a tired voice behind a large pillow.

Eleanor moved the pillow to reveal Chidi’s face. He'd apparently toughed it out on the couch beside her.

“What the fork are you doing here?” she hissed, looking around to ensure Tahani wasn't anywhere nearby.

“You wouldn't let me go,” Chidi explained. “You kept telling me that you don't belong here, that you need me to teach you ethics, and that your, um, your hot soulmate wasn't really your mmMMPH.”

He stopped speaking shortly after Eleanor replaced the pillow, with more force than Chidi would've liked.

“Shh, she might hear you!” Eleanor checked once again before removing the pillow from his face.

“It’s ok, she’s still asleep upstairs,” came another slightly muffled voice, this time from under blankets on the love seat across from the couch. A head peaked out from the sheet a few moments later, sporting a goofy grin.

“And who the fork are you?!” asked Eleanor in a whispered shout.

“I’m Jason, Chidi’s roomie. Sup?” He sat up and extended his hand, then frowned at her. “Well, technically I’m supposed to be Jianyu, who doesn’t talk, but there was, like, this accident? And I’m not supposed to be here, but I am? You can’t tell anyone though.” Jason’s smile returned and he leaned forward for a hand shake. “Oh, and I’m supposed to Chidi’s soulmate, but we’re not actually soulmates. It’s cool though, we’re still bros.” He tilted his head up towards Chidi in salute. "Soulbros."

Eleanor stared at the proffered hand, then at Jason’s grin, before hesitantly shaking said hand for the briefest of instants.

“Right. Ok.” She turned to Chidi. “And you were going to tell me this _when,_ exactly?”

“You’ve both put me in an extremely unenviable position, not to mention untenable,” sighed Chidi. He took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes in concentration.

“That is not an answer!” Eleanor smacked Chidi with the pillow again. Jason giggled at that, which then resulted in Eleanor throwing the pillow at his head. It bounced off his forehead with a soft ‘whiff’ sound and had enough force behind it to knock his head back down under the blankets.

Jason re-emerged from the sheets a moment later, clutching his own pillow in both hands.

“PILLOW FIGHT!” he yelled, hopping to his feet and raising his feathered weapon overhead.

“Alright, stop it already!” It was Eleanor’s turn to raise her voice, as she got to her feet and stood between Chidi and Jason. “Fine, fine, I’ll go talk to Tahani already. It’s not like she can still be asleep after all this anyway.” She scowled at the pair of them, then straightened her clothes before heading towards the stairs.

“It’s those stairs over there,” Jason said, pointing to another set in the opposite direction.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she said, turning around. “I was just…” Eleanor glanced at herself in a nearby mirror and tried to ignore how rumpled her hair was. “Shut up.”

Once she’d ascended the staircase, there was no mistaking which of the several rooms on the second floor was the master bedroom. Its entrance stood at the opposite side of the long hallway, twin marble pillars on either side which shone bright white, even in their reflections on the granite floor tiles.

Eleanor made her way across the long hallway, conscious of every footfall that echoed and reverberated throughout the large chamber. She did her best to walk quietly, and imagined how loud it must be when Tahani herself would stroll through the hallway in her high heels.

Then she shook her head to disperse the thought of Tahani in high heels, because why was she thinking about that?

When she reached the large, wooden doors that lead into the master bedroom, Eleanor found that one of them was slightly ajar. Pushing it gently, she prayed it wouldn’t squeak or squeal in protest, and let out a happy little sigh when it smoothly swung open, revealing the room’s contents.

For such a sizeable room, it was surprisingly sparse to Eleanor. A big sled style bed was the focal point, which was currently empty. Beautiful wooden drawers and side tables were spread throughout, and a soft woven rug pulled it all together. Tasteful art hung neatly along each wall, and in the back Eleanor saw another door, which appeared to lead to an en suite washroom.

She knocked gently on the opened door, careful not to venture any further into the bedroom. When no reply came, she crept across the threshold, then reached out to knock on the nearby dresser.

“Hello?”

Eleanor leaned out just far enough to get a better view into the en suite. There was a light on inside so she was fairly sure that’s where Tahani was, but she didn’t want to scare her or anything. She opened her mouth to sing out again but stopped once she saw her.

Tahani was standing in front of a tall, body length mirror, both arms raised as she was tying up her hair. She was wearing a purple coloured nightgown which, while covering all of her, still somehow managed to not leave all that much to the imagination. It was see through in all but the most intimate areas, causing Eleanor to blink once, twice, three times before looking away.

“Gulp,” she said aloud, even though she knew how corny that sounded. Her brain wasn’t quite working correctly, and she chalked it up to that.

At the same time she took a step backward, and her heel kicked against the dresser to her side in the process. While that didn’t damage the furniture in the slightest - being made of solid oak by her guess - it did cause a bottle of hairspray which was perched atop it to shake and topple over before rolling to the floor with a metallic clang.

“Is someone there?” said Tahani, and seconds later she emerged from the en suite, pulling a dark purple bathrobe on as she did so. “Oh, Eleanor, it’s you,” she said, managing a small smile.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. _For so many things,_ Eleanor thought, but most recently for her peeping, which she hoped Tahani didn’t know about.

“No, it’s quite alright, I was just getting up, that’s all.” Tahani cinched her bathrobe shut, then fussed with her hair a bit more. “It’s I who should be apologizing to you for my dreadful appearance.”

“Nah, you’re fine, trust me.” Eleanor cleared her throat and then looked elsewhere in the room, anywhere but at Tahani. “I, uh, mainly meant about last night. Which I can’t really remember, nor do I want to, but yeah. I didn’t mean to make a mess of things.”

“For what?” asked Tahani, frowning a little before realizing what she meant. “Oh, you mean your speech last night? That was hilarious, Eleanor, I swear. No, you’ve nothing to apologize for there, trust me.” She clutched the front of her robe and laughed. “That bit about not wanting to study something or other, I laughed so hard, oh my.”

“Hah, yeah, it was all a joke.” Eleanor rubbed the back of her neck, smiling awkwardly at the other woman. “You know me, have a few drinks, make with the funny. That’s how I do.” She still didn’t remember any of it but was glad that Tahani seemed to find it rather amusing just the same.

“Clearly I don’t know _all_ about you yet, but I’m glad that we’ve been paired up, Eleanor.” Tahani walked towards Eleanor, smiling as she did so, and reached out… then opened one of the drawers of the dresser next to her. “I do need to get dressed, though, but we should meet up for lunch in a little bit, yes?”

“Oh, yeah, totally.” Eleanor blinked, trying not to blush as she took another step backward, this time thankfully not into any other furniture. “I’ll just head back next door and you can come grab me when you’re ready,” she said, backpedalling towards the open door. “Come and get me, I mean, you don’t _have_ to grab me if you don’t want, haha.”

“Oh Eleanor, you’re too much,” chuckled Tahani, who followed and gently closed the door as Eleanor exited.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of,” muttered Eleanor. She headed back downstairs and found Chidi and Jason pretty much exactly where she’d left them earlier.

“Alright, dorks. This is how it’s going to go down.” She pulled out a chair from a nearby table, sitting in it backwards and resting her arms on the back of it as she faced the pair. “Chidi is going to teach us how to fit in better here, and we’re going to make this work. And we don’t tall anyone - _anyone_ ,” Eleanor pointed directly at Jason as she elaborated this point, “about us not belonging here. Understand?”

“Kinda?” said Jason, and Chidi just sighed.

“I don’t care how long it takes, we _are_ going to make this work,” Eleanor exclaimed.  
“We can do this.”


	5. Afterlife Is Hard

“We can’t do this.”

Eleanor slammed her textbook closed and barely resisted the urge to hurl in across her living room. It had been a week since they’d made a pact at Tahani’s residence to work together and fit in like they were supposed to, but they were essentially no further ahead than they’d been back then.

Chidi stood in front of a large whiteboard, which was almost entirely covered in his handwriting. Various parts had been underlined and circled with different coloured markers, some parts several times.

“We’re just not getting it. We’ll never get it, and everyone’s going to find out that we don’t belong, and we’re going to be sent to the Bad Place, where they’re going to… to…” Eleanor trailed off, getting to her feet and pacing back and forth.

“Make us eat our vegetables?” tried Jason. “I used to hate when that happened. I’m glad we can just eat what we want here. Jalapeno poppers for the win, am I right you guys?”

Before he could even ask, Janet appeared and handed Jason a plate of poppers, then went poof once again.

Eleanor just stopped and stared at him for a few seconds, then resumed her worried pacing. “It’s pointless.”

“It’s not pointless, it just takes some time, that’s all,” said Chidi. “Especially when you’re working with people who -” He caught himself and stopped mid-sentence.

“Who what, Chidi? Hmm?” Eleanor came to a stop in front of him and stared up at him - being a good bit shorter than him, after all - and almost growling.

“Who like jalapeno poppers?” Jason mumbled through a mouthful of the same.

“I think you’re both proving my point,” Chidi said, raising his hands in front of him. “No offense meant.”

Eleanor sighed and backed off, plopping back down on the couch. “It doesn’t matter, you’re not wrong. And no, Jason, I don’t want any.”

He pulled his arm that had been in the process of proffering the plate back towards himself and shrugged. “More for me, then.”

“Alright, I need to take a break.” Eleanor got back to her feet. “You guys can stay here, I’ll be back in a little bit.”

Chidi just nodded and started to clean off the whiteboard. “We’ll just go back to the beginning of the lesson when you’re ready.”

Jason just continued eating away, oblivious to everything else.

Eleanor headed for the door, not sure where she was going exactly, but soon her feet took her towards Tahani’s palatial living space, which was adjacent to her own. She should have known that’s where she’d end up, and rather than fight it she just walked on inside.

They’d been spending a lot of time together, though they still stayed in separate residences, mainly at Eleanor’s insistence. She didn’t want Tahani to find out she didn’t belong there, not until she was positive Chidi’s lessons were working and that she became a decent person.

The only thing was, of course, that the plan didn’t seem to be working. No matter how many books she read, how many hours of boring lectures she listened to with Jason, it wasn’t having any effect on her.

Eleanor shook her head and tried to forget about all of that for the time being, and focused on finding Tahani to see how she was doing.

“Hey, Tahani, you home?” she shouted out.

“I’m in the games room!” came a call from down one of the long halls.

Thankfully Eleanor knew which one that was, as they’d played games of both pool and darts together over the last little while. She headed down the hall and found Tahani inside, sitting at a table and holding a handful of playing cards.

“What game are you -” she started before Janet appeared in the chair across from Tahani.

“I have no 9s. Go fish!” Janet said with a grin.

“Ahhh, I see.” Eleanor laughed and pulled up one of the other chairs, taking a seat at the table.

“Would you like me to deal you in for the next round, Eleanor?” asked Janet.

“Nah, I’m good. I’m just taking a break from, uh,” she hesitated, stopping herself from saying studying, “a Netflix marathon, and was going to get some snacks or something. So I thought I’d see what Tahani was doing, that’s all.”

“Aww, that’s sweet of you,” Tahani said. “We’re almost done here, actually, so your timing is impeccable.” She drew another card from the pile in front of them and triumphantly placed her final pair of cards down on the table. “I win!”

“Yay!” Janet applauded, clearly programmed to be a good loser. “Thank you for the game, Tahani. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.” She smiled once more before disappearing into thin air.

“You know part of me thinks that she’s programmed to allow us to win,” mused Tahani, before waving a hand dismissively at the table. “At any rate, yes, let’s go get something to nosh on, shall we?”

The pair left the games room, discussing the various minutiae of their day on the way to the kitchen. Once there they fixed themselves some tea and sandwiches - not Eleanor’s usual fare, but Tahani’s habits were growing on her - and then made their way to the living room.

Eleanor took a seat on the loveseat, while Tahani sat on the main couch. Both laid their snacks on the coffee table which lay between them. Idle conversation continued as they consumed their food, until all that was left was the near empty cups of tea.

“Hey, remember the first time I sat with you in here?” asked Eleanor. “My first question was -”

“‘Where’s the television?’” finished Tahani. “Yes, I recall it quite clearly.” She smiled at Eleanor, chuckling every so slightly.

“Listen, I watched a _lot_ of television back in my day,” she replied, smiling as well. “It’s just not natural to have a living room without a tv in it. I mean, what else are people supposed to do? Talk?”

“Talk, listen to music,” Tahani replied, nodding towards a classic gramophone she’d requested from Janet specifically for her sitting room. “Things like that, and, erm.” In what was the first time, in front of Eleanor at least, an awkward moment for Tahani, she cleared her throat and got to her feet.

And then sat down beside Eleanor on the loveseat.

“Other things, I suppose.” She bit her lip and tentatively reached out, placing one hand on top of Eleanor’s. “Depending on how one’s feelings are about such things, of course.”

“Tahani…” Eleanor started, keeping her hand underneath Tahani’s just the same.

“No, I need to say this, please, Eleanor. I’ve been meaning to address the issue for some time, but there’s never been an opportune moment. Not until now, at least.” Tahani adjusted her position until she was turned and facing Eleanor, then Eleanor moved so that she was doing the same.

“I know things have been somewhat… awkward, shall I say? Since Michael told us that we were soulmates.” Tahani looked down at their hands as she spoke.

Eleanor nodded slightly and let her continue.

“And… I don’t know about you, but I must admit, all of this is very new to me. Not just the whole afterlife thing, but having a soulmate who is…”

“Blonde?” Eleanor teased. “Short? Awesome?”

“You know what I mean,” Tahani replied, squeezing her hand. “Not that you aren’t all of those things, but yes. It’s something that’s taking time for me to come to grasp with, but I am trying, I swear.” She finally looked up from their hands, meeting Eleanor’s gaze with her own. “Because I… I do feel something between us.”

“I do too, Tahani. I…” Eleanor started to try and put her own feelings into words, and then stopped. She remembered her fears about letting Tahani get too close to her, and what that could mean for them all. Herself, Jason, Chidi, maybe even Tahani would be punished if they were discovered.

She pulled her hand out from under Tahani’s and jumped to her feet.

“I have to go do something I just remembered,” she mumbled, knowing how horrible an excuse that sounded. Before Tahani could say anything in reply she sharply turned and started for the exit, not daring to look back at the other woman.

There was so much she wanted to say to Tahani, but how could she say it without putting them all at danger, especially her? For all Eleanor knew, Michael and company could’ve been listening to them at all times, or recording their conversations for later review. She had no idea how anything worked in the Good Place, after all. What was she going to do?

For now she settled on going home, summoning ice cream and booze from Janet, and curling up into a ball in her bed while overindulging in both. Maybe Chidi could help her in the morning, but for now those were the only answers she needed.


	6. Searching for Signs

“Are you sure this is going to work?” asked Eleanor.

“Like I’ve told you a hundred times, not at all,” Chidi answered. “I can’t make you any promises, but based on everything you’ve told me and what we’ve been able to brainstorm between the three of us…”

He looked over at Jason, who was looking up at the sky. “Dudes, if, like, those are clouds up there, are we maybe a cloud that someone down below is looking up at too?”

“Alright, between the _two_ of us at least,” Chidi corrected. “This is the best idea we’ve been able to come up with, so I say we run with it.”

It had been a few days since Eleanor had ran out on Tahani, and she’d been kicking herself ever since. Many lengthy discussions with Chidi and Jason - the latter being silent for the majority of the time - had brought them to this moment, where they stood outside Tahani’s residence.

“Ok, then. Here goes nothing, right?”

Eleanor turned and gave a thumbs up to them both. Chidi and Jason headed around the corner of the house, and, once they were out of sight, she reached out and knocked on the door.

After a moment, it opened, and Tahani appeared. Her eyes went wide as they fell upon Eleanor, and she opened her mouth to speak.

Before she could say anything, Eleanor raised a finger into the air, then put it to her own lips. In one hand she held a boombox, which she bent down and laid on the ground next to her feet. She hit the play button on the machine then stood back up, waiting for the sound to start.

“Is it on - it’s on?” came Chidi’s voice. “You can edit this part out later, right, Jason?” A faint shout of ‘yup!’ could be heard in the background of the recording. Eleanor rolled her eyes as it continued with Chidi clearing his throat. “We have been informed by Janet that, here in the Good Place, every day can be any holiday you’d like it to be, so for the purposes of the following presentation, please consider it to be Christmas. Thank you.”

There was a pause before Chidi’s voice asked, “Is that good eno -”

Music followed, along with what sounded like a choir singing Christmas carols. As if on queue, it started to snow all around them as well. Tahani stuck her hand outside the doorway, smiling as fat, white snowflakes landed on her palm before melting from her body warmth.

Meanwhile, Eleanor pulled a toque out of her back pocket, then tugged it down over her head. Once that was on, she reached down to her other side and lifted up a series of cue cards, turning the first one towards Tahani.

_With any luck, by next year..._

_I’ll be a much better person._

The next sign Eleanor held showed a drawing of Chidi, standing at a chalkboard, lecturing her and Jason both. Covers of various ethics texts were pasted throughout, upon which Chidi himself had insisted, even though Eleanor didn’t think it was necessary.

_But for now, let me say..._

_Without hope or agenda (ok a little of both)..._

_Just because it’s Christmas..._

_And at Christmas you tell the truth..._

_And because Chidi tells me you should **always** tell the truth..._

_To me, you are a perfect soulmate._

_And my wasted heart will love you..._

_Until you look like this..._

The next card had a picture of Tahani that looked exactly as she did right then and there.

_Janet also told us we don’t age here, so. Yeah._

_Merry Christmas._

With that, Eleanor bent down and picked up the rest of the cards she’d dropped into a pile, then shuffled them into a neat pile. The music was still playing, so she picked up the boombox in her other hand and got back to her feet.

Eleanor opened her mouth to say something, but it was Tahani’s turn to interrupt her. She sprang out from the entrance and embraced Eleanor, who was unable to reciprocate due to having her hands full.

That didn’t last long, though, as Eleanor dropped the boombox and the cards to one side - careful not to drop them on her or Tahani - and hugged her back tightly.

After a few seconds, Tahani pulled back from the hug long enough to look down at Eleanor, then she leaned in and kissed her. Eleanor closed her eyes and melted into Tahani’s embrace, enjoying the moment while it lasted.

When their lips parted, Tahani reached up and stroked Eleanor’s hair. “Merry Christmas to you as well, Eleanor.”

“So, the way I understand it,” Eleanor said, “every day can be Christmas Day here. Which is more than alright with me, if you’re cool with it?”

They both laughed, and leaned in towards each other to kiss again.

Before they could, however, the snow stopped, frozen into place. The music came to a screeching halt as well, and Michael appeared beside them.

“Why must you _always_ insist on screwing things up? I swear to you-know-who, this is getting more and more frustrating with each passing attempt,” he muttered to no one in particular.

“Huh?” they asked in unison, frowning at each other first and then at Michael. Chidi and Jason came out from around the corner, wondering exactly what was going on as well.

“You’re happy,” Michael muttered, waving a hand at the pair of soulmates. “You weren’t a few days ago, you were confused and angsty and upset and, oh, it was just working out _so well._ ” He shook his head and raised a finger to stroke his chin. “What did I mess up this time I wonder?”

“But we’re supposed to be happy, aren’t we?” ventured Tahani.

“Yeah, that’s why we can eat all the jalapeno poppers we want,” Jason added. Janet appeared and provided him with his favourite treat, without him having to even ask at that point.

“This does not make any sense,” Chidi chimed in.

“You’re right, it wouldn’t make sense at all, if we were in the Good Place,” Eleanor said, her eyes going wide. “But it actually _does_ make perfect sense for us, because we’re not in the Good Place, you guys.” She turned around and faced them all, pointing dramatically at Michael. “It’s because we’re in the Bad -”

Michael snapped his fingers before she could finish, and everything went white. He’d have to think hard on what to try for attempt #219.


End file.
